Semblance of My Being
by birdiebrain
Summary: They were both so similarly unnatural, but so different. She was an imperfect replica. He was a being that survived ten years after his demise. And they both reminded each other why to keep being who they were. Vanitas/Xion.
1. Chapter 1

Semblance of My Being

Disclaimer: I don't believe I own Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: I just needed to write something. I haven't for a while now. FanFiction wouldn't let me post this for days ugh. Enjoy? Yes? No?

…

She had to run. She had to run and get as far away as possible from Xemnas.

His cruel voice wouldn't stop ringing in her ears. She didn't belong. She was a defected doll made for collecting hearts and doing the Organization's biddings. It didn't matter that her friends were important to her, that she even had friends. No, she had been disobeying him and refused to commence with his plans and become a second Sora. It wasn't possible for her. She couldn't stand watching Roxas grow weaker as she consumed his strength. It was all too much for Xion.

Riku had made nothing easier for her, only making her even more confused. His straightforward questions forced her to wonder why she persisted to live. The point was she shouldn't have, she was supposed to be one with Sora and give back Roxas' powers. It only made sense. The logical choice was to return what was rightfully theirs, but she had her own say to it. And it was to continue to survive as who she was.

The new onslaught of words pierced her and she gasped, her pants growing dangerously labored. Anywhere was better than with Xemnas in the Castle That Never Was. One that didn't contain endless blank walls that trapped her would be a haven. She grew desperate clutching to the idea and thrust herself into a dark portal, uncaring of where it would take her.

Xion staggered out as the passage dissolved behind her, nearly collapsing onto the cold, dusty ground. The world around her was desolate. She was surrounded with craters and debris billowing through the arid winds, tickling her lungs. What was worse, she found, was the amount of rusting keyblades thrashed about the baking earth far out in the horizon. It was a graveyard, the air laced with the presence of death and abandon gathered throughout the years.

Where she was precisely, Xion didn't know. It felt familiar and yet eerie. It wasn't as fond as a home and it wasn't a place she distinctly remembered. The sensation was mind-boggling and made her wish she had been transported to somewhere safer and warmer. Somewhere like Destiny Islands.

The missing presence of the sand crunching beneath her boots was replaced with hollow steps on the dry ground. The slow, crashing waves ebbing its way onto the island was nonexistent as the rough winds lashed at her. And the Thalassa Shells she enjoyed gathering morphed into misplaced gravel and rocks.

There was no security for her in the graveyard. Devoid of what protection was needed in her sanctuary, she had to turn back. A short visit to Destiny Islands should do the trick. Just one glimpse and she would go back to Xemnas without resistance. It was decided then, nothing more to it. Xion gazed at the cliffs with downcast eyes, feeling a quiver run through her as a gentle wind past.

The force of the current tremendously strengthened and slammed her into the rock face, knocking her held breath. She gasped painfully for oxygen, dully realizing she couldn't recover the air that escaped her lips. A tight grip seized her throat, rendering her speechless and causing her mind to become bleary. She subconsciously grabbed onto the offending object, feeling something reminiscent of an arm. Her vision could barely make out the silhouette of a shadowy male.

She was about to die. And that was the last thing she wanted.

With renewed vigor, Xion's right hand let go of the appendage and reached out into the air, summoning her keyblade. She thrust it frantically to where she predicted his head was and felt a collision before being thrown down. Distraught coughs erupted from her throat as she lay on her knees, slowly urging herself to regain her composure.

Her head snapped to the left, on the lookout for the fallen enemy. He was lying on the ground, unmoving. Had she really caused that much damage with only one strike? She scrambled to her feet and apprehensively approached the stranger. His helmet had fallen off due to the direct hit to the head. His face was what shocked her more than anything.

It was almost a perfect copy of Sora. All except for his hair. Jet black, resembling the color of night. His irises revealed to be an intense gold when his eyelids abruptly opened, staring directly at Xion.

She took several hesitant steps away from him, her back meeting the cold, rocky surface. He propelled himself back on to his feet with ease. He was clothed in an unnatural black and white suit, contrasting with the sullen dirt beneath his boots. The light sound of tinkling metal broke the stillness as he raised his keyblade to Xion's throat. A twisted, wry smile played on his features.

"So good to see you again, Ventus." The male spoke, sarcasm dripping in his friendly greeting. The Void Gear marginally came nearer to Xion's neck, coming into contact with her burning skin when she swallowed.

The words that tumbled from her mouth came out as a stranger's, clear and audible, yet so insecure and quiet. "I don't know who you're talking about." Her chest tightened and her head grew light. Xion was acutely aware that one wrong move would be the end for her.

He flicked his pupils from the tip of his keyblade to her eyes and his calm exterior wavered. It wasn't the same voice he remembered years ago. Wasn't even the same tone, it was a girl's airy one. He no longer saw Ventus, but a pale girl with short, dark hair, fearing for her life. This was a stranger. A stranger that had access to the powers of the keyblade.

"You," He snarled. "You're not Ventus. Who the hell are you?" He demanded. She would not trick him with her silly games. It only took one swift stab if provoked.

"Xion," She muttered lowly.

Both parties refused to break their stares. Even a blink would involuntarily decide the winner, and the two were proud, refusing to give in.

The male continued to barrage her with ongoing questions, gently reminding her with his weapon that they would be answered. "How did you get that keyblade?"

She was conflicted. Was she supposed to tell him that she gained the ability thanks to Xemnas? What would become of her if she confessed that her keyblade was an imitation of the real one, like Riku had told her? That her capability to summon the keyblade was thanks to absorbing Sora's memories and Roxas' powers? None would seem to cut it.

"I… I don't know." It was as honest as it could get.

He scoffed and lowered his keyblade, utterly disgusted with her answer. She wasn't worth his time or efforts if she didn't have an ounce of knowledge of herself and the powers she possessed.

"You don't even seem fit to be a wielder. No confidence. No understanding. Not even the determination to fight back after I cornered you like the rat you are."

Standing around would do her no good as he walked away from her miserable state. His remarks were just as bad as Xemnas' and it was unacceptable. She refused to tolerate yet another person belittling her as Xemnas and Riku already had. Her tight fists trembled from her mixed feelings.

Xion had enough. She looked directly at his retreating figure. Her fear would not hold her back this time.

"I'm not here for your insults!"

He couldn't see the expression she had, but her tone implied everything that was needed to allow further retorts. "You should at least tell me who you are if you just plan to be a jerk." Her temper steadied with the few remaining words.

It barely got him to turn around and look at her again, but it worked.

"Vanitas." He answered simply. "At least what used to be him." Before it got complicated, and it only took a few extra syllables for him to accomplish it.

Xion was at a loss for words. She had no clue what he meant and had no time to ask before he continued to talk, almost as if he sensed her uncertainty of the matter. Did he truly know how baffled she was with his introduction? That he had stated in the fine print of his words that he wasn't whole? Like her?

"My anger keeps me here in this wasteland." Vanitas spat resentfully, ruthlessly stabbing the Void Gear into the soil below. "It keeps me alive enough to destroy people like _you_."

"I don't understand—"

"Of course you wouldn't." He cut her off, aware that she wouldn't have understood in the first place. He knew she wouldn't ask the right questions to get out the answers she wanted. It would save her breath in the end if she listened. "I don't really exist. I'm not real. Only a mere remnant that's survived for a decade now. My body's long gone in _him_."

His words became something she could relate to when he finished his explanation. She had a body as well, but she wasn't supposed to exist. She wasn't meant to breathe or feel happiness. She was created with one purpose; to collect hearts for Xemnas and open Kingdom Hearts.

But who was this _him_?

"I suggest you leave."

Vanitas broke her train of thought once more with his sudden proposal. His body vanished without a moment's pause and Xion was left to stand alone. Perhaps he was right and her visit had ended long ago with his appearance.

…

"That's crazy talk, Xion."

"No it's not!" She defended herself.

Roxas shook his head, unbelieving of her tall tale. Really, did Xion expect him to believe that she transported herself to a world they never encountered before, filled with keyblades? She had conveniently left out the reason why she had left in the first place, along with her meeting with Vanitas.

"Well…" He scratched at his blonde hair, thinking of how to word his next statement. Roxas wanted to say what he really thought, but he wanted to appease the girl as well to avoid a shouting contest.

"It's crazy, but why don't you take me there one day then when we don't have a mission?" Roxas suggested, pleased with his compromise. He wouldn't necessarily believe it, but he might change his mind if Xion showed him the world.

"Fine, I will. The next time we both have a day off you'll be in for a shock." She agreed, smiling.

Xion just needed to make sure she could get to the graveyard again and everything would be settled. The thought of Vanitas attacking again lingered in the back of her mind, but he would not ruin their adventure.

Roxas grinned back, tucking his arms behind his head. "That's great. I can't wait to prove you wrong then." He joked. It earned him a light shove from the smaller girl. "Tell me more about this… keyblade graveyard when we meet up at the clock tower alright? My next mission is at Wonderland."

He left the Grey Area to prepare for his mission, patting Xion's shoulder reassuringly before running off. She watched him hurry down the hallway, sighing. Even though he knew he would be delayed by talking with her, he still prioritized their conversations over his missions. The thought made her smile halfheartedly.

"Why so down, kiddo?" Xigbar asked, startling Xion as he pushed himself off the wall to approach her. Xion frowned, had he been there all that time eavesdropping?

She struggled to find the right words to answer her superior. If he had heard the entire conversation, he didn't even need to ask. "Wouldn't you already know?"

He wagged a mocking finger, ridiculing her.

"No, no." Xigbar chided. "You don't talk to me like that, brat. Especially with those eyes glaring holes at me." He sneered, seemingly repulsed by her very presence. So he had heard everything.

"Tell me, did you happen to meet a kid with dark hair too?" He questioned, hiding something all-knowing behind his wicked smile. She gasped and instinctively took a step back. Xion distinctly remembered never uttering a single word of Vanitas and planned on keeping it a secret.

"How… How do you know about that?" Xion didn't know if she was a deer in headlights or a fish out of water.

He laughed at her reaction, all too amused with her bewilderment. "Easy, pipsqueak. I knew him long before you were born. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean created, wouldn't want to offend you now, would I?" He taunted.

"Why does he look so similar to Sora?" She whispered. His words stung her, but it would have to be brushed off for now.

"Good question!" Xigbar jeered, relishing that he was beating around the bush far too long with her. "I don't know, maybe because they're connected somehow?"

Xion clenched her fists. He was playing with her.

"Take me to him." She demanded. "Take me to Castle Oblivion."

Xigbar scoffed. "As if."

Her keyblade flashed before them, pointing it at his chest. "Take me to Sora." She repeated.

"Feisty, aren't you?" He grinned devilishly as he raised his hands into the air. "It's against my orders, but why not?"

…

Their combined steps echoed in the white room housing a single large Memory Pod. Xion cautiously approached it and placed her gloved hand on the cold, smooth exterior. Through it she could feel Sora inside resting, but not recovering. His memories weren't being restored because of _her_ and she knew the time for her to choose was nearing.

"Are you done yet, Poppet?" Xigbar droned boringly, looking at his fingernails. She could see from her peripheral vision that he didn't even take off his glove.

"He and Sora are completely different, but they're connected." Xion mumbled, uncaring if Xigbar heard her or not. She recalled him telling her his body disappeared inside someone else. Was he referring to Sora?

Xion needed to get back to the graveyard again, but not with Roxas by her side. Something about it all intrigued her and she wanted to figure it out alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Semblance of My Being

Disclaimer: I don't believe I own Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: Okay I've decided, not a three-shot. Maybe four. And I had to change my summary too. When I read it, it didn't really make much sense. But here's this chapter! Caused me a lot of trouble since I didn't plan this beforehand. Enjoy? Yes? No?

…

The gravel crunched beneath her tentative steps. She came back to the graveyard, but this time knowing what was lurking. With a keyblade in hand, Xion was prepared to make a counterattack if he came back and tried to surprise her. She had to be careful and pay attention to any sounds, movements, flickers of shadows…

"Go. Away."

Scratch that, he had snuck up behind her and had his Void Gear horizontal to her throat. Vanitas always seemed to have the upper hand, always one step ahead of her. And he was extremely close to her at the moment.

"I just… do you think we can be friends?" She asked before thinking, only knowing it was a big risk.

He pulled the keyblade away, letting her take the step forward that would have been her downfall. There was deliberation written on his face. Vanitas looked at anywhere but her, putting in no effort to hide the fact or his glare. Xion couldn't figure out what his behavior meant.

"What did you say?" He still refused to make eye contact.

"I—" Panic coursed through her. "It got me to open up when I became best friends with Axel and Roxas…" Xion trailed off, thinking of the two so dear to her. "Maybe it could be the same for you." She ended softly.

That was the truth. She only wanted to be friends with him, have someone to relate to. They both weren't complete. He was akin to a solid ghost, only so much more real. Xion would only be truly whole once she absorbed all of Sora's memories, but she knew deep within herself she couldn't possibly let that happen. The consequence of that was to lose Roxas, and he was too precious to her. Xion only wished to talk to someone about it who wouldn't force her to choose to stay or disappear.

An inhale could be heard along with an exhale, coming out more as a weary, lifeless chuckle.

"Friends?" Vanitas repeated with amusement. "I've seen friendship before and I've always been alone. I don't need it." He chose then to finally look at her. His eyes were mysteries, cryptic and compelling, like it wasn't the whole story. But he was dangerous too, like a time bomb she was trying to disarm.

"But we could still try to be friends." It was a valid statement. He had never denied her request or answered her question. "You might not need it, but you can want it." She contemplated aloud.

He looked her up and down, doubtful of her good intentions. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, concentrating on her and her only, as if he tried hard enough, he could read what was going on through her head. Or burn a hole through it. Vanitas would have been fine with either outcome, as both were in his favor.

Resigning, he let out an irritable noise. "Do what you like. You can't possibly damper my already foul mood any further."

Xion smiled sincerely despite his snide remark, throwing him off. The sky grew darker, the setting sun outlining her figure, making it look like she and her smile glowed. It wasn't something he expected and turned away. She was too full of surprises.

"We should start over then. My name is Xion." She reintroduced.

"… Vanitas."

The graveyard felt a lot warmer than last time.

…

She gave him a little wave as she stepped out through the portal, his content expression slipping into an unhappy frown with her appearance. She looked past it, used to his attitude, and brushed off the remaining sand clinging onto her body. It would have been nice if he had at least asked if she was alright rather than look disappointed, knowing she was looking a little disheveled.

"You're here." Vanitas pointed out. "Again."

Xion urged herself to not give in to the temptation to roll her eyes at him. After countless visits, she had really hoped he would have gotten the clue she wouldn't take his advice and never return. "You know I'm only here when I want to think. It just happens to be every chance I get."

"You come here day after day." He complained, ignoring her. "Are you sure you're not asking to die?"

Everyday was like this since she had asked if they could be friends. She would visit after a mission or when she had a day off and he would threaten her. But in truth, he had never laid a finger on her after their second confrontation two weeks ago. Xion wasn't going to deny it, but there had been moments when she thought he would do something, yet it never came no matter how long she waited.

"Maybe I want to be with you." Xion reasoned. "I didn't know it was a crime."

Vanitas scoffed. "Don't flatter me. No one would want to have me as company." The dirt seemed to have captured his attention, rendering him unable to see Xion's sad eyes watching him. Which was precisely the point.

"I do."

The air was still once more as neither of the two said anything. Both were thinking for very different reasons. Xion couldn't believe how unused to friendly relations Vanitas was, and grew more determined to show him the beauty of friendship. He, on the other hand, found her insane. She was everything he wasn't used to from past experience. Back then, every wielder was out to destroy him, but she was… different.

He cleared his throat, feeling something uncomfortable writhing in him. "You're a mess."

Xion picked her head up. Vanitas had a tendency to always say something to astound her. She looked around herself and saw dirt and worn out patches on her clothes. "My cloak?" She asked, incredulous, but at least he noticed. "Some Heartless ambushed me on my mission today, but I'm okay. Just a little dirty."

"Don't do that."

"What?" She asked. If it wasn't an insult, it was something that would confuse her.

He hesitated for the first time since she met him. "Your cloak. Don't make your cloak so indecent." He explained. Vanitas flicked off the dust particles on her shoulder, as if to prove his point. The touch jolted her, but in a very… pleasant way.

Standing dumbfounded was the only thing she could do. Vanitas was undeniably the most confusing person she had yet to meet. "Right… And—" Xion paused, thinking of a comeback she could make to his strange comment, the feel of his hand still lingering in her mind. "The colors of your outfit changed." She said slowly, unsure of herself.

Vanitas rolled his eyes. The distinct white on his suit was replaced with a bloody hue. It came gradually now that she thought about it, but she had never noticed until the outfit was purely black and red.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Want to mention the sky is blue too?" He snipped, not impressed with her observation skills.

The girl huffed. "I was asking why."

"You should have said so in the first place." He scoffed. Why did she even bother with saying something stupid if she was going to ask something smart? "I don't know why, I just know I feel more _alive_."

"Alive? Like… having a heart?" Xion asked tentatively.

He shrugged. "You know we both don't have one."

She didn't deny it and turned back to face the cloudless sky, mixing into shades of red and purple. It was about time for her to head back to the Castle That Never Was.

…

The portal led Xion to the Grey Area and she bounded off to her room to quickly gather herself and then head to the clock tower. Perhaps even change out of her cloak into a cleaner, newer one. She didn't need Roxas and Axel to worry about her.

Saix turned away from the window and watched Xion run off, suspecting. Xion had been acting peculiar lately, possibly plotting something against the Organization? He heard Xigbar's low laugh from one of the couches. He directed his eyes to him. "Something funny?"

Xigbar tilted his head to look at Saix and waved his hands in the air carelessly, drawing lazy circles. "Oh no, not at all." He smiled, the scar on his face crinkling with the movement.

His cold eyes hardened at his comrade, not particularly amused with his laidback attitude. Xigbar was known to possess information none others had, and he would get it out of him. "Tell me, do you know where she has been going?"

The older male cocked his head back and forth, feigning deep thought, giving Saix the impression he certainly wasn't weighing the answers he could give. "Sorry to say, I don't know." The smile he gave this time was almost feral.

He growled. Xigbar was useless and arrogant and turned away, ready to head to Addled Impasse. Perhaps looking at the incomplete moon of Kingdom Hearts would qualm his anger. A chat with Xemnas was due at any rate. There was no time for playing games with him.

"But."

Saix was stopped by Xigbar's voice. His sly smile could be heard. He turned around to look at him, still resting on the furniture and enjoying himself. One more insolent remark and Saix would have to teach the fool a lesson.

"But?" He asked calmly, betraying none of his inward thoughts.

"But, she did make me take her to Castle Oblivion. Man, the kid's got some guts to point her keyblade at me, don't you think?" He asked coyly. His smile never once left his face.

The blue-haired man smirked. Something useful had finally come out of his throat. "Yes, that was truly brave." He responded thoughtfully. "You have been… most helpful, Xigbar."

The shooter mock-saluted Saix as he made his way out. "Anytime."

…

"You didn't come yesterday."

Vanitas startled her, causing Xion to jump. It came so quick she didn't even have time to prepare for him or greet him with a smile. She didn't even sense him anywhere near, which was the scary thought. He looked… more displeased than usual, if that was possible.

"I had a tough mission at Agrabah." She explained, unclear why she felt a bit nervous with her answer. Since when did Vanitas even care if she didn't show up for a day, he usually wanted her gone.

"Oh." There was a pause.

Xion shifted uncomfortably, unnerved with the silence. She remembered something and rummaged through her pockets and held an object up high for both to see. "I brought back a souvenir though!" She said happily, wanting the quiet between them gone. "I went to one more place before I came here."

He stared at the item in her hand blankly. "A shell?"

"Thalassa Shell." Xion clarified. "I really like them, so I thought I could give you one. You can only find these on Destiny Island."

Taking the shell from her hand, he eyed it carefully and held it up. It was a pretty little thing, he'll admit that much. "It looks nice."

She wasn't sure why, but she had a feeling it was his way of saying 'thank you'. It wouldn't have been Vanitas if he suddenly became gratuitous. With that thought, she was happy and felt a weight lifting off her shoulders. The entire time, she was somewhat afraid he might have chucked it, finding the shell meaningless.

"You know, we're both really similar." Xion pointed out. It was now or never for her to talk about what she had been wanting to.

He was taken aback. "Don't compare me with yourself." He spat, back to his normal self.

Xion frowned. "Why?" She demanded. "We were both created," The word made her tense, but continued nonetheless. "by someone else. And you even admitted last time we don't have… hearts."

She was faltering. They were similar, but the truth of it still hurt her. She was beginning to regret she had even brought it up, but there was no one out there that she could genuinely connect to except for Vanitas. The only person that would understand her and her confusion could only be him. Roxas wouldn't have understood, even if he was a special Nobody, and Axel wasn't burdened with a strong connection to Sora.

"And we weren't—_aren't_ supposed to exist, but we seem to defy the worlds and still do." Vanitas finished for her, not pausing for a beat.

It was like a duet now. The two were throwing out sentences and phrases back and forth, completing it with precisely what the other was thinking. Like telling a seamless story, a story of two beings that weren't meant to live, but had the will to do it. And the one thing that bound them together was a kind boy named Sora. But in the end, Xion and Vanitas were going to show they weren't semblances of something real, but were real.

"But in the end, we'll always be me and you." Xion finished with a laugh. It was the longest conversation the two ever had, and it was also the most enjoyable.

Vanitas crossed his arms over his chest and his lips curved upwards, giving himself a smug look. "Feel better now?" He asked her. His tone resembled one that suggested he was satisfied with himself.

Xion gave Vanitas a curious look, before nodding confidently. "I do, actually."

He let out a low whistle, seemingly exhausted. "About time. Anyone a mile away could see you were going to burst with all that."

She gave him one of her trademark smiles. "Thanks, Vanitas."

His eyes marginally widened. He turned his head to the side and made a motion to clean his ears. "Whatever, if I hadn't done that you would have exploded and go on a ranting rampage the next time you came here."

Xion giggled, knowing it was a 'you're welcome'.

…

"Axel, hold on for a minute." Saix called out, grabbing hold of his shoulder rather tightly. Even if the redhead wished to leave, it wouldn't have been possible without breaking into a fight. With that in mind, Axel turned to face him begrudgingly.

"What is it? I'm kind of in a hurry." He answered viciously. It was almost sunset and he had to get the ice cream soon.

Saix glared at Axel, but did as he wished and went straight to the point. "Did you know Xion has been coming back from her missions later and later? It's beginning to worry me."

His face shifted from malice to concern. Saix knew he had him hooked and released his shoulder. Axel was no longer in a rush to escape his company and the thought delighted him greatly. All was well so far.

"Why? What kind of missions has she been sent on?" Axel questioned insistently. He saw Saix's grin and his tone darkened and grew dangerous, realizing what was going on. "Why are you telling me this?"

He pretended to act out the hurt he couldn't feel. "I can't help out a friend and tell you this information?"

Axel gritted his teeth. If anything, he hated talking with Saix the most. He was possibly worse than Larxene. "No, you can't. That word is long gone in your dictionary."

"Lea."

"Isa."

Hot anger flashed in Saix's cool eyes, melting away the calm ice he had strategically placed for this encounter with the mention of his former name. "Why don't you just go check up on her, Lea? She is your friend, is she not?" He whispered coldly, leaving Axel to his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Semblance of My Being

Disclaimer: I don't believe I own Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long on making this chapter! I don't know what came over me but I just neglected working on it. That, and school is has just been awful. Hope it's good! Enjoy? Yes? No?

…

"Do you know why you're here?" The cloaked man inquired, looking down at her small form from his throne. Merely a tiny speck marring his perfect white room.

Xion mechanically nodded, unable to look at Xemnas. Her boots were more pleasant to the eyes than his infuriatingly composed face any day, regardless. Even the thoughts drifting through her head were more important than what Xemnas had to constantly remind her. Like what time Roxas and Axel would be due back, what she would talk about today with them, when her next day off was.

His tone was patient with her again, brushing off the fact his puppet refused all eye contact with him. "Then you must know, I am telling you to hurry. This isn't the first time I've told you either." Xion made a disgruntled sound.

Xemnas' eyes narrowed. "Remember our goal." He spoke with finality.

With a wave of his hand, he signified Xion was dismissed and she quickly left The Round Room through a dark portal. Saix came in shortly after through his own, not giving her a second glance, looking almost pleased.

…

She grunted and kicked the side of her bed, eager to release her pent up emotions. Xion couldn't help it, but she felt stronger. Xemnas knew, and he still wanted her to speed up something she had no control over. He had been sending her to more worlds on scouting missions, believing it would make her regain memories of Sora's travels faster. It had worked, infuriating her all the more.

Everything was falling apart now. She missed the simpler days when all she had to worry about was completing a mission and Axel teaching her the ropes of everything. Friendship began to bud when Roxas and she, the rookies, were paired together and helped one another. Those days were gone and were replaced with a secret plan only a select few knew about. No matter what she did, the result in the end was going to be devastating for her. All that awaited her was to keep running away or to disappear.

Xion wanted to scream with the thought and gave the bedside another hard kick. It fought back and created a sharp ache in her foot. She relented and sat down, closing her eyes with a heavy sigh. The slight pain cleared her head, cooling her off enough to reflect on what she did. She was picking fights with inanimate objects.

"He's doing this on purpose." Xion muttered to herself, hugging her knees. Her anger subsided and left broken pieces and confusion to replace it. "Xemnas is making me do missions separate from Roxas and Axel on purpose." She repeated to herself.

Hearing Axel's name roll off her tongue made her stiffen. He had questioned her about her whereabouts just earlier. She didn't know where he heard it from, but he wouldn't stop asking her why she was always back so late. Xion was willing to bet Xemnas also had something to do with it.

Everything was easier when she put the blame on him, she found. Xion blamed him for her frustration, her confusion, her very existence, and anything else she could think of. But then she found three things to thank him for. One for letting her meet Roxas, another for Axel, and the third for giving her the final push to run away and meet Vanitas.

A wry smile let loose as she thought of the irony of feeling gratitude towards someone she hated. She was somewhat glad that, despite having been told to rush the process, Saix didn't give her a mission for the day.

...

"Why again, did you lie to whatever his name was?" Vanitas asked, rolling his eyes. Xion could practically feel the agitation radiating off his body and tried not to back away in fear he would snap.

He didn't see the point of her nervousness. Her boss was telling her to practically absorb her best friend and she absolutely refused to, he got that much. Now her other best friend was wondering what she's been doing and the girl complicated matters. Instead of a normal response, she had to go and say the missions were tougher than she thought and it took more time. And that made what's-his-face even more worried. Vanitas just didn't care enough about some other guy to remember his name.

"His name is Axel," She huffed. "And I did not lie!" She was willing to bet all the munny she owned that Vanitas was being the most difficult he had ever been today. Xion didn't get it, he was fine before she brought up Axel worrying about her and as quick as his name left her lips, he grew crabby.

"I just… said something different." She defended meekly as an afterthought. Xion glanced up to see Vanitas' expression and as she thought, it was unconvinced.

"I'm so swayed by your reasoning. It all makes sense to me now." Vanitas applauded, sarcasm drenched in his action and words.

Xion frowned. "It's because I'm not supposed to be here in the first place, alright?" She cried, her voice shaky and strained.

Vanitas had gotten the hint that it meant two different things but said nothing. Hearing no response, Xion kicked the dirt harshly, letting the dust be carried away by the wind. She blinked away the sand that had gotten into her eyes. At least, that was what she hoped was in her eyes. With the back of her hand, she wiped her cheeks and saw with no surprise, droplets staining it.

He watched her struggle and didn't move a muscle to help. It wasn't his place to do anything, as some plan for the future wouldn't affect his. Vanitas had as much time as he wanted now, seeing as he was no longer a ghostly apparition and the color in his face returned, no longer pale. Even his clothing was affected, strange as it was, but it was still part of him. So he didn't care what would happen to the light or Xion, he had an entire world to roam and play with.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." Vanitas told her after hearing a small hiccup make its way to his ears. He was getting soft.

She raised her head and looked at him with disbelief in her eyes.

"Hopefully, at least." He added. "Just because I was a bad guy, I don't think that means I like seeing girls cry." It was also annoying, but he didn't feel like it was necessary to point out.

Xion had a small smile and it almost made him smile back from the relief he felt to see her happy again, even if it was a little.

"Does that mean you're a good guy now for helping out a girl?" She teased.

Any possibility of him having a lighter facial expression vanished.

"You were better when you didn't talk." Vanitas retorted.

She grinned and conjured a dark portal behind her while still facing Vanitas. "And you would be better if you were nicer." He arched an eyebrow after her comment and directed his gaze toward the swirling mass. Xion took a step back, yet was stopped when Vanitas grabbed hold of her and stabbed at the Heartless he had been eyeing, the portal disappearing just as quick. A lost heart floated into the sky. Xion didn't know what had just proceeded, but she knew he was frowning.

"Way to pay attention to where you were heading." He remarked. "I never knew there wasn't much difference between summoning a portal to The Darkness and to a room in a white castle." His words caused Xion to shiver, realizing she could have been trapped forever if he hadn't stopped her.

"You might be smiling but I guess you're still all mixed up about this." Vanitas pointed out, his tone no longer hostile.

Xion instinctively leaned herself closer to Vanitas and clung onto him, still taking in the severity of what could have been. A place filled with an abundance of Heartless and only darkness. Another drop of water rolled down her cheek for the day and she held onto Vanitas tighter.

"Yeah. I don't know what to do."

Neither noticed Vanitas had never released his hold on her the entire time.

…

"I'm talking first." Vanitas announced. Xion had yet to even breathe the air after getting out of the gateway when he talked.

"Yes?" She asked, confused about his behavior. He was acting like what had happened the other day didn't and was just a dream of hers. Xion was just starting to think they had broken through another one of Vanitas' many barriers. Perhaps she was hoping too much.

"You're clearly confused." He started, getting right down to business. "So I think it's about time you've had some sort of incentive."

Xion didn't understand. "What?"

"I'm not joking. Don't you dare show your face to me until you've decided on which road you're going to follow." He stated. There was no room for arguments with the way he was talking.

"I don't get it… That's really abrupt, isn't it?" She questioned, the volume of her voice steadily rising. "It's also a bit cruel, don't you think?"

Vanitas scoffed. "I thought you would have known I've been like that since day one." He turned his back to her. "Better go back and think hard. I told you, I don't want to see your hesitant face."

The way he was talking. It was decisive and cold. He shouldn't have been saying that, he knew she was still unsure of the right thing to do. She knew he did, but he was still forcing this ultimatum upon her.

"Vanitas, this isn't fair."

He ignored her call, feigning attention to a bug hovering in the air.

"Vanitas." She tried again, needing him to respond. He never did and she left as quickly as she came.

…

She refused to believe he really meant such awful words. What he told her to do matched the impossibility of what Xemnas wanted from her. It was one thing if he was trying to encourage her to choose, but it wasn't a decision Xion could make overnight. She had endlessly thought about what she could do before, and she knew the right choice was to give up and be with Sora. What she didn't want and kept running away from, was that it meant she would be permanently erased.

Hugging her pillow on her bed, she was reminded of when she held onto Vanitas. Maybe it was just a realistic dream of hers. Too realistic. But she didn't think so, she couldn't have imagined how warm he felt against her. Xion suddenly realized how empty her daily routine would be if she couldn't sneak into the Keyblade Graveyard anymore to talk to Vanitas. She would think of something. The loneliness wouldn't be something she could handle.

Xion looked at her bedside and saw she only had an hour to stop her tears before heading to the clock tower to catch up with Axel and Roxas.

…

Tentative steps were taken, but the quiet sounds still alerted Vanitas' ears and he turned around and sneered. Xion was there, and it had only been two days. He was actually surprised she had decided so soon. _If_ she had decided. On the other hand, he wouldn't have been surprised if she hadn't and just showed up.

"I'm not going to lie, I still… don't know." She spoke softly, repeatedly clenching and unclenching her fists by her sides. Xion was unsure of what the outcome of this meeting would bring. If she was lucky, it wouldn't be anything too bad.

"Get out." He said roughly. He got a bit too carried away, thinking she would have actually made up her mind.

"Why can't I just stay here? I told you before that I liked thinking in this place more than any other!" She responded, trying her best to be unaffected by his words again.

Vanitas wasn't one to lose his cool, but she was just messing around at this point. Always delaying. She called him a good guy, but he was always a bad guy. He was going to push just the right buttons to help her out.

"Maybe because I'm tired of seeing that dumb face of yours! Thinking is an excuse, you're here to escape making a decision. You already know the truth about yourself right?" He asked hotly, continuing without waiting for Xion to answer. "Then make up your mind already, you've been a brat for too long."

Xion understood everything at that moment. She didn't feel any sadness at his words, but white anger. Vanitas didn't want her around and he was being serious. If that was the case, then she would leave. His words hurt more than how deep her nails were digging into her palms.

"Fine." She turned around defiantly and summoned a portal and left, giving Vanitas one last look.

He frowned at her attitude, but he had gotten the job done. It didn't matter if she ended up hating him in the end.

…

She stomped through the corridors, fuming and paying no attention to her surroundings. Nothing mattered and she knew well enough around the castle that she wouldn't bump into anything so easily. Xion didn't account for movable objects and ended up colliding with a firm object. She muttered a quick sorry and went to move on her way until she noticed the person she had bumped into had blue hair and his signature scar.

"Excellent, just the thing I was looking for." Saix commented pleasantly, brushing off his cloak.

Xion's lips turned downwards at being called a thing, but said nothing, letting him go on with what he wanted to say. The sooner he was done talking, the quicker she could leave.

"I heard you've been running amok outside the castle, going to auspicious places and such." He informed her, retaining his calm attitude all throughout.

She looked up at him, her eyes widening just the slightest, but enough for Saix to notice and continue speaking.

"I wonder, do I need to keep a closer eye on you?" He inquired, putting a hand to his chin mockingly. "Xemnas wouldn't be too pleased either way." Saix pointed out.

Xion didn't know how Saix knew about her running off to the Keyblade Graveyard. Although her whereabouts were rather questionable, she didn't think the higher ups would mind and thought she was off collecting more hearts for Kingdom Hearts. Apparently that wasn't the case, causing her to panic. But then she remembered she had left Vanitas, deciding to cut him out.

She took a long breath, steeling her resolve further. "No, Saix. You don't have to. I won't spend so much time out of the castle anymore. Those days are gone, I promise." Xion said earnestly. "I'll just stick to the missions and Twilight Town, if anything."

Saix nodded, pleased with her words of assurance, and walked away.

And she kept true, as she didn't show up to the graveyard the next day or any day after until she herself lost count.

...

A/N: Sorry again for the lateness! This chapter had a little more of Vanitas' perspective. It kind of just slipped in.


	4. Chapter 4

Semblance of My Being

Disclaimer: I don't believe I own Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: Just a quick timeline for those who might be confused because I actually got confused myself and had to do some extensive research.

Chapter 1 takes place roughly a week after Xion and Riku fight, as seen in Day 151. Chapter 2 takes place two weeks after the first chapter. Chapter 3 takes place twelve weeks later. The final chapter takes place fourteen weeks later. And this story wraps up on Day 357 before Xion meets with Roxas.

Thank you to those who stuck with me for all four chapters! Enjoy? Yes? No?

…

In those fourteen weeks that she never kept track of, Xion was taking everything in stride. She was still purposely separated from Axel and Roxas, but Saix was steadily assigning her missions that required all three of them together to get the job done. She had another one of those missions earlier and it had gone without a problem.

Axel no longer prodded her about her whereabouts since she showed up much more frequently and on time to the clock tower. Roxas appeared to be stable enough in his strength again, allowing him to take on the more strenuous missions. It was like everything was back to normal.

To put it simply, she was moving on.

She no longer thought about that one place she loved so much. Or more importantly, the boy who she was attached to living in that one place she loved so much. No such feelings lingered in her mind any more. How long it had even been since her feet had last set foot on the dirt in that world, Xion forgot. If she had to guess, she would have said weeks, or perhaps months. Xion wasn't paying the time any attention. She didn't really know it had been roughly fourteen weeks. Her head never really reeled back to memories of him. That was absurd, especially after what he said to her. Those things were easily let go.

At least that was what Xion told herself.

The girl never really forgot. Never had truly moved on. She tried. She really did. Vanitas would just continue to pop back into her train of thoughts. But Xion was stronger now. She could take the pain he threw at her. She stopped trying to forget and instead accepted it as a matter of fact. The only downside was that it made her snappier toward the higher ups. They didn't think much of it, only sneered. Saix called her current attitude a rebellious puppet, but paid it no heed. She kept her end of the promise and in return, he didn't dwell too much into her business.

Everything was going smoothly when she thought about it. If she continued as she were, then maybe everything would work out. Roxas was better. She felt content. Axel was happy. Maybe in the end, Kingdom Hearts would be completed and they would all end up with a heart and stay together forever. Xion thought that would have been a happy ending. It even made sense.

Those were the kind of fantasies she carried around with her to manage those past fourteen weeks without Vanitas. But when reality hit her, she finally remembered that she was still running away. The event that evoked such realizations to her; it was all a blur to her now, but she still remembered it distinctly if she tried hard enough to pick out the fragments.

…

She wasn't sure how to react when Naminé was able to see her for who she was. As Xion.

Just by visiting Naminé and being in the circumstance she was in, she remembered what Vanitas wanted from her. A firm decision on what she was going to do. Xion was still unclear on what she was going to do. Through those fourteen weeks of a cheerful façade, she had forgotten why she had put it up in the first place.

"What do you think I should do?" Xion questioned. Yes, that was what she wanted to inquire. She should have said that exact line to Vanitas as well. All she thought about was her own feelings about her situation. She never once found reason to ask Vanitas, and perhaps that was what led him to be so brash with her.

"What do you want to do?" Naminé's response surprised her.

If she thought back to what Vanitas' low voice sounded like to her ears, she could just about imagine his snarky attitude with his lip drawn back, asking her the exact same thing. What exactly did Xion want to do?

She wanted her trio to be together forever. That was clear. But after talking with Naminé, she realized that wasn't what she wanted at all.

Belonging and to make things right. That was what she wanted.

Did Vanitas feel that way? Did he ever want to go back to Ventus? At most, she remembered him telling her about Ventus once. Roxas apparently looked a lot like him. Their personalities would have clashed in some areas, but they were both keen on maintaining their friendships.

Roxas. She asked Naminé to watch over Roxas. Even Riku. There would be a day in the future when Roxas would join her and Sora. Until then, she wanted to know there would be others looking out for him in her stead.

Naminé acknowledged her request and nodded. She would protect her best friend for her. It was the least Xion could do for him, beg individuals to aid him in his time of need when she couldn't.

"If you're ready, let's go see Sora."

Xion was almost ready to go back to Sora. Almost. She would have given herself up right then and there, but one boy was holding her back. Thinking of a way to agree, and yet disagree, Xion took a moment to think of a proper response. The opportunity was lost when DiZ came into the room and told them the Organization had found her.

She took that chance to offer herself up to get rid of the intruder. It would give her time to make at least one last visit if she successfully got rid of whoever followed her. With that plan, she ran off to the entrance before Naminé could stop her.

When Xion saw Axel outside the gates of the Twilight Town's Old Mansion, her plan instantly crumbled in her head. She wasn't going to hold back. Neither was he. They were going to have a battle of wills until one would fall and had their way.

…

Xion knew Xemnas reprogramed her. She could feel it to her very core. It was exactly when she woke up, safe in her bedroom again, that she realized. Isolated in her room for the morning, Xion used her time wisely, as she wouldn't have much longer. She thought about what she had been doing all this time.

Hiding. Avoiding.

There would be no more of that. It was a done deal. She had already decided and promised Naminé she would soon meet up with Sora. Perhaps even today if everything went as planned. Xion had to tolerate the new programming Xemnas did to her. All the devices she, Roxas, and Axel had placed throughout the worlds; she was supposed to use them for his own petty goals.

Xion smiled grimly to herself. The hearts she had collected for Kingdom Hearts, she wanted to set them free now. She didn't want the unfortunate hearts to be used by someone so despicable and for the wrong cause. Ideas of what she could do to prevent Xemnas' plans from working rushed to her. And with her reprogramming, she was going to use that to her advantage and make her happy ending come true. Even if she wasn't going to be there by the finale.

All that was left was to show Vanitas she did what he had wanted her to do. Never feeling so confident about anything before, she found it a pleasant change, that she could ever feel so sure about something. As soon as she rose from her bed and before she could make a dark portal though, her throat felt tight and her hands were clammy in her gloves. Xion forgot one important thing.

It had been ages since she visited him. Was it even worth going to that desolate place? That desolate place, where she didn't know if the one person she most wanted to see would still be there, waiting for her? There was nothing stopping her. The only thing urging her to go to the graveyard was that she had missed him. The entire time she was away from him, Xion told herself not to think that, but it was the truth.

There wasn't anything stopping her. She already planned everything out.

…

Xion walked forward as the passage dissolved behind her, nearly marveling at the cold, dusty ground. The world around her was friendly. She was surrounded with the same craters she once saw and the familiar debris billowing through the arid winds, tickling her lungs. What was better, she found, were the amount of rusting keyblades thrashed about the baking earth far out in the horizon. It was a comforting world, the air laced with the vague presence of the happier times she shared with Vanitas, gathered throughout those distant weeks.

Nothing had changed at all during her absence. It was precisely as it was when she last came. She couldn't contain herself and ran towards the hanging cliff she and Vanitas used to always talk at. The craters were still as she remembered, expertly winding past them and taking the quickest route to get to her destination. Xion climbed the rocks and landed on the flat surface of the cliff. There was a black shadow toward the edge and she ran to it, almost desperate.

"Vani—" It was a rock.

She sighed and put a hand to cover her face, the embarrassment getting the best of her. She was getting ahead of herself. Of course, she should have at least remembered that there was that one rock at the edge that Vanitas usually liked sitting upon when they conversed.

She supposed he just wasn't here anymore. Perhaps he got tired of waiting for her. It had been numerous weeks, after all.

"What the—"

Xion started and turned her head quickly, nearly causing herself to get a whiplash.

"Why are you here? Are you sure you're not asking to die?"

Such familiar words.

Tears could have graced her eyes or the dust in the winds could have gotten in them; she didn't know or care. Before even she could comprehend her actions, she had already lunged toward him and hugged him. Vanitas. It was Vanitas. He was still here at the Keyblade Graveyard, whether he was waiting for her all along or just taking a stroll, he was there in front of her.

He shuffled backward and dropped what was in his hands, unused to the sudden change of weight. Vanitas attempted to pry the sobbing girl off of him, but Xion's vice grip refused to relent. He frowned and stopped trying, his brow furrowing with agitation. Either way he would have lost.

"Stop that. You're going to make my shoulder wet." He muttered, disgust in his tone.

Xion pulled back and released her hold on him. "Quit exaggerating. It's just a drop or two." She scoffed, taking a few steps back to give each other the space they had established when they first met.

He shook his head at her and bent down to pick up what he dropped. "If you cracked it, I'm going to be more than mad."

She looked at the object he held so fondly with his glove. "A shell?" Vanitas had never seemed like a sentimental person, much less someone caring about something so trivial. But only one shell had that kind of shape and pink hue to it…

"Thalassa shell." Vanitas clarified, delicately patting off the dirt on its back. He let out a breath he had been holding when he deemed the shell safe.

Xion watched him, entranced with his actions and protectiveness over the meager shell she gave him so long ago. She put a hand over to mouth to cover her laugh. Everything felt so normal. As if she had never stopped visiting him after all that time. Even their speech patterns were the same, realizing they had said certain phrases before. Only this time, the roles were reversed.

Vanitas looked up, all fun and games were aside. His eyes hardened and grew cold. "So." He began, pocketing away his tiny treasure.

It was for this reason Xion came back. She took a deep breath. "I decided." She told him. "I'm going to go back to Sora." Her voice was firm. Hearing herself say it aloud, it definitely sounded like the right thing to do.

He cocked his head to the side, disbelief showing on his face. "Really now?"

She nodded. "It's a bit scary. But I know that it's the right choice." Vanitas didn't reply and she took his silence as an opportunity to resume talking. She told him what she had been doing after all that time and her plan to use the power in Xemnas' devices against Roxas. And in the end, she would be defeated and would reunite with Sora, to be slowly forgotten and right the wrong she had done by taking away his memories.

"Scared?" Vanitas reiterated after listening to her. "Let's see then," He pondered. Xion didn't know what he was talking about. What was there to see, exactly?

"Ventus is connected to that Sora brat, I'm connected to Ventus, and I'm a sentiment." He drew out the web for her onto the ground with an abandoned stick he found. He just knew Xion wouldn't understand unless he spelled it out as clear as day for her.

"And since there's no way I could forget someone as moronic as you, I bet I could join the party and be there too with you." He explained. "How's that sound?" Vanitas asked, looking up at her from his crouched position.

Xion was speechless. He was really offering to still be with her, and it made her smile. "I'd like that."

He smirked. "Don't get too hopeful. It'll be your loss in the end."

"Why's that?" She questioned.

"You called me a jerk the first time around."

Xion laughed at his reason, tears of merriment glistening on her face. She had a grin on as well, her happy expression never betraying the sadness she was going to feel after their precious moment would be over. It was going to be one of the last laughs and smiles she would have before disappearing.

That ending did sound a bit sad for her, she thought; to be forgotten by everyone she knew and cared about. But Xion reminded herself she had grown. She could take it. Even if everyone else forgot, she would do the remembering for them. As long as one person knew, all their happy memories would last forever. And Vanitas said he would be there too. She wouldn't be alone. Maybe this would be her happy ending.

…

A/N: It's done! Didn't update too late, did I? And I think it came out okay. I hope everyone who read this story enjoyed it! Drop a review and let me know what you think!


End file.
